IF GOD WAS A WOMAN

If God was a woman there would be much evidence to see
Salad would be full of calories and chocolate fat free
Scales would register backwards and there’d be only good hair days
And men wouldn’t need a whole lifetime, to understand our ways
The remote control’s design would be fluffy and quite sweet
And the Ten Commandments would refer to the toilet seat
If God was a woman, she’d have given us legs so smooth
And there would be no constant worship of the tanning booth
The Church would have more cushions and the altar would be pink
And it would be a sin to spend too long at the kitchen sink
Males would have a gene that meant they could ask for directions
And not suffer stress while assembling furniture in sections
When my days are over and I’m looking peaceful in my shroud
Then will I meet my Maker, waiting high up on a cloud?
If there’s a scented plug-in and a cute little dog nearby
I’ll know I was mistaken about that presence in the sky