Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Cart Blanched

Shopping for food now requires a degree
There are so many things to assess
Are others confused or is it just me?
There are issues one has to address
Is it organic, yes that is okay
No pesticides harming our soil
But wait a minute it's flown a long way
And used up gallons of oil
Free of fat and gluten
That’s good should I assume?
But all the experts are disputin’
Which is the best to consume
The labels are too tiny to read
I’m starting to get in a rage
And what this I hear about animal feed
And calves cramped up in a cage?
I want to be healthy I want to be kind
But it seems an uphill battle
Why is a good meal a problem to find
Without worries of going mad cattle
Time’s moving on I look down at my cart
I only have packets of rice
Well of my risotto at least that’s a start
And everyone says that it's nice
But on my phone I just got a text
Saying that there’s a petition
I just don’t believe it, whatever next
It says rice workers have malnutrition?
Maybe our lunch should just be a pill
Is that such a silly suggestion
It won’t taste of much but won’t make you ill
And we’d have no need of digestion
Until that time I’ll accept defeat
Will there ever be a change?
If not I might to an island retreat
And label myself free range!

Friday, September 3, 2010

Hair Today

Today I'm having my hair done, she'll greet me with a smile
We'll both look in the mirror as I specify a style
First of all we head to the sink for a good shampoo
You try to adjust your neck as the water first runs through
"Is that temperature OK?" is the usual standard line
Even if it's much too hot, you answer that it's fine
Now she starts with the scissors, clipping every tress
You notice all the girls around in stages of undress
Flicking through a magazine you try not to look worried
Did she listen to what you said, she does seem rather hurried
As the hairdryer starts you have a sinking feeling
Is hair sticking out like a toilet brush in any way appealing?
And so the deed is done, she's beaming like a cat
You see another woman and think 'I wanted that'
Time to say goodbye, now regretting every snip
You tell her you are happy and give a generous tip
Thinking you'll find another to take care of your mane
The funny thing is when its time, you go to her again!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Full Screen Ahead

If aliens came down from space
And looked at the human race
Not long after leaving our bed
They’d see us sitting and staring ahead
In comfortable seating
Facebooking and Tweeting
Then seeing what everyone’s said

And so then it is time for employment
To leave our mindless enjoyment
But are we all heading off for the soil?
And engaging in strenous toil
No it’s the same old scene
As we sit at the screen
There is little energetic deployment

The aliens are all waiting to see
The human evening activity
Will we perhaps play the flute
Or dissect a small newt?
But again we are seated
The pattern’s repeated
From the screens we never seem free

If they returned after three generations
Will we all be zombied crustaceans?
Would books all be tossed
And reality lost
Or will the screens be rejected
And new life injected
As we again feel nature’s vibrations

Tuesday, August 31, 2010


If God was a woman there would be much evidence to see
Salad would be full of calories and chocolate fat free
Scales would register backwards and there’d be only good hair days
And men wouldn’t need a whole lifetime, to understand our ways
The remote control’s design would be fluffy and quite sweet
And the Ten Commandments would refer to the toilet seat
If God was a woman, she’d have given us legs so smooth
And there would be no constant worship of the tanning booth
The Church would have more cushions and the altar would be pink
And it would be a sin to spend too long at the kitchen sink
Males would have a gene that meant they could ask for directions
And not suffer stress while assembling furniture in sections
When my days are over and I’m looking peaceful in my shroud
Then will I meet my Maker, waiting high up on a cloud?
If there’s a scented plug-in and a cute little dog nearby
I’ll know I was mistaken about that presence in the sky

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Cold War

I’m going to ask a question, I’m really not sure why
I hope that there’ll be honesty if you should reply
Say someone turned up now and into your kitchen strayed
Then they opened up your fridge – would you be afraid?
Have you got half a pizza which you have forgotten
And a slimy goo, of tomatoes going rotten
Is there a bowl that’s covered, lurking at the back
You lift the lid standing back, as if it will attack?
Inside maybe some rice, which now has turned to glue
It came with kung pao chicken, or maybe egg fung yu
Is there a piece of something stuck to the icy wall
You know not what it is – if it ever was at all
One day you know it’s time, and you throw it all away
You clean from top to bottom, it nearly takes all day
At last the shelves are gleaming, of dirt there’s not a drop
But hey now we’ve nothing in, let’s head off to the shop!!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Sam and Ella

Who are these Sam and Ella, we hear about each day
What happened to the wholesome eggs that chickens used to lay?
Melamine in dog food, E. Coli in our beef
And beware the outcome if you don't wash that lettuce leaf
A sharp blow from Bluto is when poor Popeye fainted
Not from eating spinach, bacterially tainted
High fructose corn syrup is in everything it seems
From our breakfast cereal to what used to be baked beans
Be careful eating peanuts they've all been recalled
They showed us the processing plant - we were all appalled
I can't take much more, I'm at the end of my tether
So please tell that Sam and Ella "get your act together!!"

Friday, August 27, 2010

Weak End

For most of us it seems, who have a standard working week 
"TGIF!" on Friday is the first thing that we speak
Friday night - it feels so good with those two days ahead
When you have no noisy alarm to drag you out of bed
Shopping, watching movies, maybe sitting in the sun
If we did it every single day would it be such fun?
Unless we win the lottery we probably won't know
But I have to say I wouldn't mind, giving it a go
You stay up late at weekends, until you're tired and yawning
And then you think in horror - tomorrow's Monday morning !!